I…PAAASSSSSED!
I quickly ran to my car, got my cell phone and phoned Eric, my supervisor, and told him that I had FINALLY passed, but now I needed a new drivers' license picture taken and would have to make an appointment for that. Since time to start training in the vehicles was short (I would have to start driving in about a week and a half) he told me that I should go directly to the San Pedro DMV, as they usually weren't as busy as the others and I wouldn't have to make an appointment.
I rushed to San Pedro and stood in line. He was right, there weren't many people ahead of me, but as I stood there, quite a number fell in line behind me must have been their "lunch break".
I went up to the woman, who seemed kind, and pleasant enough (anyone would have been better than "Nurse Ratchet" in Fullerton) and I gave her the proof that I HAD PASSED and simply needed my picture taken. I had it, I had it and no one could take it away from me. I was preparing my “end zone dance” when she spoke. She told me to put my finger in this stupid machine, which would take my finger print. First, I want you to know that it had been so long since I needed to get a Driver's License, as I had not had any driving violations, so new licenses had simply been mailed to me over the last fifteen plus years. I didn't know anything about "finger printing", but I complied. I placed my finger smartly into the finger receptacle and waited for more commands.
Now comes the "L I T E R A L" PART! READY!?! She said to me,…now these were here exact words, "Put you finger in the finger print machine…and then step back to the line for your picture." For those of you who are "L I T E R A L", you have already figured out what I then did. For those of you who are "normal", read the lady’s words over again, exactly as they are written and try to figure out what I happened next. Also, please keep in mind, I had been, over the past five weeks, subjected to EVERY test that the DMV had to offer and I wasn't going to do or say anything to mess of my chances of getting my Class A license, so that I could drive the buses in Avalon!
Well, here we go! With my finger STILL in the finger printing machine, I then started moving my feet backward toward the line! The line was a good five feet away so I found myself doing a modified "reverse limbo" (sounds like an Olympic gymnastic move, and it felt like it!) to be able to accomplish this "Chinese Acrobat" feat! By the time that I reached the line, I was now almost parallel to the ground, but I had just enough strength to bend my neck so that I could face the camera and force, what might be described in some primitive cultures as a "smile" for my new Class A Driver’s License card.
During my “limbo stretch” the DMV lady had been working on my paperwork with her head down. Now…she looked up at me…in my outstretched…Iron Eagle Position and…motioned me to come to the counter (or should I say the rest of my body to come, as my finger was still in the machine, ON the counter). I was relieved, as my muscles were beginning to spasm, and for some reason, the people behind me in line were laughing out loud! WHAT!?!
When I got to the counter, the kind sole, obviously biting her tongue to keep from laughing, said "I expected you to take your finger out of the finger printing machine, BEFORE you went back to the line for the picture."
Of course, feeling very self-righteous, I reminded her of exactly what she said that told her that I was sure that over the years I had not been the “ONLY ONE” to take what she said "literally" and suggested that she might change her directions if she didn't want additional innocents like me to do exactly what I did! Her face didn't change, jaw set in iron position, glaring at me. I began to panic and with a pleading in my voice said, "Please don't tell me that I am the ONLY ONE who has EVER DONE THIS!!!!!"
She gained her composure long enough to say, "In my twenty years of working for the DMV, this is the first time that I have EVER seen this happen. Mr. L i d d e l l, you are a V E R Y SPECIAL PERSON!!!!!ENOUGH SAID! In the end…I didn’t fail driver’s license picture…
I…PAAASSSSSED!
NOT SO FAST...
THERE'S MORE TO THIS STORY (to be continued)
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